I find myself searching for balance between the loss and gains, the tears and the smiles, the explosions of love in my heart while being shattered, all at the same time. I am in search of balance. I’m seeking balance through my reflection.
I observe others grieving in their own variances of loss. The loss of their perception of what their life was supposed to be, the loss of a loved one and the loss of themselves. Either way you split it, in the end, it’s still loss. The thing about that loss is, it’s always untimely. There’s never going to be a good time to say that last goodbye to a loved one. There is just never enough time. Whether it's one more month, five more years or a lifetime of more time, more hugs, more smiles or more love, there will never be that day in which you decide, “okay, I’m done now and I am ready to say goodbye forever.” For that reason alone, everyone’s own loss is always going to be untimely.
What is loss? Maybe it’s not so much about the loss itself, as I believe that life and death go hand in hand. The circle is inevitable, whether we like it or not. Maybe it’s supposed to be what we do with those experiences, while they are happening and how we observe them when they are gone. We all have our own perspectives as to what a devastating loss is to each of us. Like religion or politics, it’s deeply personal and something that we can (and will) hold onto with a fierceness that stands strong through our own test of time. There is no right or wrong side of how we create this list. This list can include people, pets, careers, life experiences and yes, material things, that we hold the closest in our hearts, for ourselves. When loss occurs, we sometimes find that what we put on that list can open a giant can of judgement as some others may not approve of one’s own personal list. While there can be a million reasons why someone wouldn’t agree with the loss of your dream job, dream life, or pet being a devastating loss, it’s important that your list (and your grief) is not for anyone to approve or disapprove of. It’s your life, your list and your choice.
While we can’t go backwards, can’t change the past, and can’t wish that yesterday would have turned out differently, we can take a step forward, we can embrace a better today and encourage hope for tomorrow. Maybe the balance that I seek in loss appears in my own reflection and personal growth?